Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
