WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish I only lived at night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
