i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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