its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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