come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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