do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
