Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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