I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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