yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
