Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
