It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
