he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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