Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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