I got chris browned last night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
