I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
