i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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