so that wasnt chicken after all
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
