I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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