you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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