sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's the barista slut.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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