like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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