We need to rekindle our bromance
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
