Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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