my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
