she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
