just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
