How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
