I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
