Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Randomize
