Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize