Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is classic penis vs brain.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
