1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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