In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
