i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
