Non-Jews are for practice
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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