Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My dick has a subreddit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
