Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
