I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
