just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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