If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
