On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
