I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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