6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
