please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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