it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
