You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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