at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
