How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
please don't ironically join a cult
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