He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
