Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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