I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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