she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
