I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
