I feel great
I just peed on a car
Did you just see the Batmobile???
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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