Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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