Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
