well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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