I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
