He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I will pee on everything he values.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
