First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the day after is always just damage control
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
