I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
did you just send me my own nude
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
