If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
