Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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