I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
