Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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