What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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