I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
