He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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