The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
