so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
