It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
