people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
