As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
