That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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