A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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