bring money and cleavage
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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