have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
