If i come over, it means nothing
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
