Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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