I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
