I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
