So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
