if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
