1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
