I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
