There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
